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R2 Says

13 Nov

A collection of the weird and funny things my middle son said over the summer.

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Out of all my sisters, Elvis is the dumbest.

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We’re supposed to meet Tarzan but I just don’t think he cares about the jungle anymore.

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Mom do you have freckles?

Yeah, some.

Gross. That freaks me out.

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Mom, I’m so proud of you for making new friends.

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Sometimes in the middle of the night, I go under the bed, grab my sister, and then we go outside to look for rainbows.

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It’s raining out. Freezing rain. Also known as, death daggers.

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Pigs are cuter than humans.

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I hate Gaston (from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast)! He’s a stupid F word. I’d use the real word if it was allowed in Canada.

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She’s a teenager who has a drivers licence. You know, THAT kind of teenager!

R2 says

29 May

A few more weird things my middle child has said over the past month…

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I want a weasel plant

What’s that?

A plant that you say something creepy and it comes alive

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Mom, the babysitter is here. Sigh…    I have sixty four kids.

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I think it was Professor Dinky who invented turnip seeds.

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Josepher Bumble is an evil guy. He puts cougars in jail. He will steal your brain and then steal your heart.

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I wish I could go to China.

Why?

I really want to see a meerkat 

Oh, well I think meerkats live in South Africa or around there…

The meerkats in China barf rainbows. That’s what I want to see.

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This popsicle has failed me

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The meerkat falls from the sky. That’s the last rain drop.

Selflessness and Selfishness

2 Nov

Yesterday, when the boys got off the school bus, R1 told me about a man he saw out the window on the way home.

He said, “Mom, I saw a man on the side of the road and he was under a tarp.  I think he was homeless.  Can we get some food and walk back to him?”

This coming from my more self centred older child.  Sometimes I’m so busy comparing him to his loving younger brother that I forget he too has a sympathetic heart.  It’s just a bit less flamboyant and in your face.

I must have looked hesitant, because he backtracked and said it’s probably not a good idea for us to approach a stranger without Daddy around and maybe the guy wasn’t in the same spot anymore anyway.

We talked about safety when approaching people we don’t know and we talked about the importance of generosity and kindness to others, regardless of their station in life.  He brought up past instances where he remembers me giving people on the street money, bus passes, or whatever food I happened to have.

He remembers past kindnesses and that tells me I’m doing something right.  He has seen what I do and it’s made a lasting impression.  My greatest wish is that I can raise up my boys to live decent and empathetic lives.

R1 then said, “Mom, do you know what my greatest wish is?  That there would be no more homelessness and that nobody would be hungry.”

I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t turn to goo right then and there.  Actions speak louder than words of course, but it has to start somewhere.

Then R2, overhearing our conversation, piped in with his own wish, “Do you want to know what my greatest wish is, Mommy?  I really wish for a soda pop!”

Nice.

Balance, my friends, balance.

Yes, I want my kids to grow up to help people and understand privilege.  But I also don’t want them too burdened too soon.  

Sometimes, we should grab some food and give it to the person under the tarp.  And sometimes, you just need to take a break from reality and have a soda.

Take care of others, but take care of yourself too.  The best life lessons come at you, right off the school bus, when you least expect it.

R1 and R2 say

11 Oct

I’ve been distracted by my side project lately, but don’t worry, Eating Dirt isn’t going anywhere any time soon.

Please enjoy the weirdness of my children!

R1 says:

I’m here to remind you that everything is disgusting.  
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It’s always a weird question when mommy’s giving the answer.

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Is it just me, or is one of my eyelashes longer than the others?

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R2 says: 

I can’t sleep knowing there are dance-offs nearby!

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If you need me, I’ll be over here farting. Farting in the midnight hour.

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Mom, want to know who all my fans are? All my imaginary friends!!

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My daughter, Caramel, is a leprechaun.

R2 says

19 Aug

Some of the funny and weird things RJ has said: summer 2016

You know what’s looks like Rebel’s head?  
What?
The other side of his head!

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A housefly is just a green and black annoying dot.  With wings.

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One day can we catch ants and throw them in the lake?   No wait…let’s catch them, look at them, and put them back in nature.

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Every day is April Fool’s day in Tokyo!

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My favourite bands are called Truck Poop and Diamond Fart. They live on Paddington St.

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I need a jeep with unlikely hubcaps!

R2 says

6 May

It’s been awhile since I’ve t some of the weird and funny things my kid says!  

R2 says: Winter 2016 edition

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Here mom, this is for you. It’s a postcard from GOD!!
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I accidentally broke my unbreakable toilet paper!

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I can’t remember if Stephen Harper is mom’s friend or dad’s friend…

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I really don’t want to eat poop. Or pee.

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I just have an ordinary bum.

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Mommy, Megan said she wants me to be her boyfriend.

What do you think of that?

I think it’s a good idea!

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Mommy, thank you for buying me these cylinders of jello!

R1 and R2 say…

8 Jan

Let’s start the new year off wih a bit of humour!

Here’s a small compilation of some of the weird and wacky things my kids said: Fall 2015 edition!

First, R1 says:

R2: Daddy’s home…and I screamed at him!

R2: Well that’s good. You don’t want him to miss his daily scream.

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Mom, you once told me that if you were ever going to play favourites, I would be your favourite
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R1: What are the three different words for sofa?  Ummmm…couch? Sofa of course. What’s the third?

Me: Chesterfield?

R1: Really?

Me: Really.

R1: Chesterfield is a dog name.

Me: Like a dog’s name or a type of dog?

R1: A dog’s name. Ohhh, no…wait. I got confused. The dog I’m thinking of is named Odie.

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It was so awesome, it was the real deal. The other thing was less awesome though so it was just the deal.

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Now, R2 says:

Mom, you’re delicious!! But I’m not going to eat you because I don’t eat people. I would never eat a person. But I once saw a rabbit eat a beetle.

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My heart is bigger than daddy’s. Because I love everybody! And if I don’t love them I just walk away.

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I saw an octopus pee out of his mouth so I tried to pee out of my mouth. But it didn’t work

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Mom, R3 has bigger boobs than me!

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R2: Mason and Caleb followed me.

Me: Who are they?

R2: They’re both four, mom! So you don’t know their names!

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Jason: How are your butt cheeks?

R2: They’re not called cheeks.

Jason: Then what are they called?

R2: Poop flaps!

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Jason: How was school today?

R2: Not good, an invisible woman pooped on my head

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Don’t come in my room! I’m getting in pajamas! My pants are off! Don’t worry, my penis is still on.