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R2 says

29 May

A few more weird things my middle child has said over the past month…

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I want a weasel plant

What’s that?

A plant that you say something creepy and it comes alive

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Mom, the babysitter is here. Sigh…    I have sixty four kids.

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I think it was Professor Dinky who invented turnip seeds.

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Josepher Bumble is an evil guy. He puts cougars in jail. He will steal your brain and then steal your heart.

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I wish I could go to China.

Why?

I really want to see a meerkat 

Oh, well I think meerkats live in South Africa or around there…

The meerkats in China barf rainbows. That’s what I want to see.

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This popsicle has failed me

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The meerkat falls from the sky. That’s the last rain drop.

Selflessness and Selfishness

2 Nov

Yesterday, when the boys got off the school bus, R1 told me about a man he saw out the window on the way home.

He said, “Mom, I saw a man on the side of the road and he was under a tarp.  I think he was homeless.  Can we get some food and walk back to him?”

This coming from my more self centred older child.  Sometimes I’m so busy comparing him to his loving younger brother that I forget he too has a sympathetic heart.  It’s just a bit less flamboyant and in your face.

I must have looked hesitant, because he backtracked and said it’s probably not a good idea for us to approach a stranger without Daddy around and maybe the guy wasn’t in the same spot anymore anyway.

We talked about safety when approaching people we don’t know and we talked about the importance of generosity and kindness to others, regardless of their station in life.  He brought up past instances where he remembers me giving people on the street money, bus passes, or whatever food I happened to have.

He remembers past kindnesses and that tells me I’m doing something right.  He has seen what I do and it’s made a lasting impression.  My greatest wish is that I can raise up my boys to live decent and empathetic lives.

R1 then said, “Mom, do you know what my greatest wish is?  That there would be no more homelessness and that nobody would be hungry.”

I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t turn to goo right then and there.  Actions speak louder than words of course, but it has to start somewhere.

Then R2, overhearing our conversation, piped in with his own wish, “Do you want to know what my greatest wish is, Mommy?  I really wish for a soda pop!”

Nice.

Balance, my friends, balance.

Yes, I want my kids to grow up to help people and understand privilege.  But I also don’t want them too burdened too soon.  

Sometimes, we should grab some food and give it to the person under the tarp.  And sometimes, you just need to take a break from reality and have a soda.

Take care of others, but take care of yourself too.  The best life lessons come at you, right off the school bus, when you least expect it.

R1 and R2 say

11 Oct

I’ve been distracted by my side project lately, but don’t worry, Eating Dirt isn’t going anywhere any time soon.

Please enjoy the weirdness of my children!

R1 says:

I’m here to remind you that everything is disgusting.  
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It’s always a weird question when mommy’s giving the answer.

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Is it just me, or is one of my eyelashes longer than the others?

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R2 says: 

I can’t sleep knowing there are dance-offs nearby!

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If you need me, I’ll be over here farting. Farting in the midnight hour.

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Mom, want to know who all my fans are? All my imaginary friends!!

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My daughter, Caramel, is a leprechaun.

R2 says

19 Aug

Some of the funny and weird things RJ has said: summer 2016

You know what’s looks like Rebel’s head?  
What?
The other side of his head!

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A housefly is just a green and black annoying dot.  With wings.

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One day can we catch ants and throw them in the lake?   No wait…let’s catch them, look at them, and put them back in nature.

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Every day is April Fool’s day in Tokyo!

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My favourite bands are called Truck Poop and Diamond Fart. They live on Paddington St.

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I need a jeep with unlikely hubcaps!

R2 says

6 May

It’s been awhile since I’ve t some of the weird and funny things my kid says!  

R2 says: Winter 2016 edition

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Here mom, this is for you. It’s a postcard from GOD!!
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I accidentally broke my unbreakable toilet paper!

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I can’t remember if Stephen Harper is mom’s friend or dad’s friend…

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I really don’t want to eat poop. Or pee.

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I just have an ordinary bum.

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Mommy, Megan said she wants me to be her boyfriend.

What do you think of that?

I think it’s a good idea!

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Mommy, thank you for buying me these cylinders of jello!

R1 and R2 say…

8 Jan

Let’s start the new year off wih a bit of humour!

Here’s a small compilation of some of the weird and wacky things my kids said: Fall 2015 edition!

First, R1 says:

R2: Daddy’s home…and I screamed at him!

R2: Well that’s good. You don’t want him to miss his daily scream.

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Mom, you once told me that if you were ever going to play favourites, I would be your favourite
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R1: What are the three different words for sofa?  Ummmm…couch? Sofa of course. What’s the third?

Me: Chesterfield?

R1: Really?

Me: Really.

R1: Chesterfield is a dog name.

Me: Like a dog’s name or a type of dog?

R1: A dog’s name. Ohhh, no…wait. I got confused. The dog I’m thinking of is named Odie.

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It was so awesome, it was the real deal. The other thing was less awesome though so it was just the deal.

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Now, R2 says:

Mom, you’re delicious!! But I’m not going to eat you because I don’t eat people. I would never eat a person. But I once saw a rabbit eat a beetle.

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My heart is bigger than daddy’s. Because I love everybody! And if I don’t love them I just walk away.

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I saw an octopus pee out of his mouth so I tried to pee out of my mouth. But it didn’t work

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Mom, R3 has bigger boobs than me!

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R2: Mason and Caleb followed me.

Me: Who are they?

R2: They’re both four, mom! So you don’t know their names!

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Jason: How are your butt cheeks?

R2: They’re not called cheeks.

Jason: Then what are they called?

R2: Poop flaps!

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Jason: How was school today?

R2: Not good, an invisible woman pooped on my head

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Don’t come in my room! I’m getting in pajamas! My pants are off! Don’t worry, my penis is still on.

R2 Says

3 Sep

A collection of some funny/cute/weird things my middle son has said: Summer 2015 edition

Me: And this is where I’m going to have your name tattooed!

Great! And I’m going to stay in love with you! Then I’m going to karate chop cats.

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I’m going to have a baby soon!
You’re too young to have a baby.

Well…I’m going to have a baby when I’m bigger.

You don’t have the correct body parts for having a baby.

Well my stomach is going to turn into a uterus and then I will have a baby.

That can’t happen buddy, but when you’re a grown up, you could adopt a baby.

Ok, I’m going to adopt a baby. But I’m going to have a uterus too.

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The truck was turning on applecock road. Yes, I said Applecock.

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In two months I’m going to be a grown up and have a baby girl named Ruby. And Dr Potestio is going to break my water!

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Do you know what I’m doing today?

What?

Loving. Everybody in town!

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I’m so proud of you mom. You did a really good job giving me candy!

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What’s what smell? It smells like a coffee shop full of butts.

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Where’s the remote, man?

Man? I’m not a man…Spider-Man is a man.

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I’m not going to sell you, mom. If RJ is mad at you and wants to sell you, I will just take you off the table when we have a yard sale. I would miss you if we sold you.

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So you know where the car’s bum is? It’s the gas tank. But I don’t know what a car bum looks like from the inside.