24 Jul

Earlier this week, I posted this on my personal Facebook page and my Eating Dirt Instagram: 

So much really HAS happened.  And it all happened in a relatively short time.  We broke up, we put the house up for sale, I found a new house, the house sold, we moved, we decided to switch the kids’ school, and we are all settled in and unpacked.  

And throughout the whirlwind of transitions, I’ve felt so much love and support.  These past five weeks and in the months prior, I’ve been buoyed up by amazing kindnesses of friends, family, and acquaintances.

It feels weird to say this, but I am also thankful to Jason for how supportive he’s continued to be, even though he doesn’t want to continue the marriage.  As I said in the above image, I know we are going to stay friends.  

I’ve been told by others who’ve divorced, that their ex-husband’s decided they were done and then just left.  Jason told me he would have left if I wanted him to, but I wanted him to stay.  I hated the thought of him being there one day and then gone the next and I really want bedtime and overnight help with the kids for as long as possible.  

I know Jason will be a very loving and supportive father but it will be different when he isn’t under the same roof anymore.  Part of me kind of hates Jason for abandoning me with three kids who are all still so needy.  But I know I won’t actually be abandoned… as I said, some things are going to take longer to forgive.

In and amongst these conflicting feelings, I feel both unforgiving AND thankful to Jason.  It’s a strange juxtaposition but I’m not going to fight it.  The feelings will come and go and each one needs to be felt.

I’ve in a perpetual state of thankfulness over the last several months and weeks and I’m continually blown away. Even though I’ve expressed my gratitude in-person to most of these people, I want to acknowledge them here.  One day I’ll want to look back on this list.

To Amy S, thank you for the monetary gift, to purchase something for the new house.

To Devon OM, thank you for hopping into your car and coming to me when I was in need.  Thank you for the help with moving.

To Sarah dB, thank you for leaving work and coming to me immediately.  Thank you for arranging delivery of my new mattress.

To Monique C, thank you for taking me out for lunch at the drop of a hat and for taking me for drinks.

To Lisa H, thank you for coming to sit with me and bringing me food.

To Cat F, thank you for dropping by with a bag of food and treats and donating some items to sell at our yard sale.

To Jen M, thank you for mowing my lawn.

To Kyle L, thank you for helping us move, for finding us a love-seat, and finding interlocking foam tiles for my basement.

To Shelley, thank you for the bag of books and treats.

To Amy V, thank you for the handmade goodies.

To Matt, Julie, and Rob W, thank you for taking our garbage to the dump and for committing to helping build our kids’ new play structure.

To Krissy, thank you for all the boxes to pack up our house.

To Linda, thank you for the new double mattress.

To Will and Leigh, thank you for the love seat and the end tables.

To Chrissie, thank you for the rocking chair.

To Greg M, thank you for the help moving.

To Chris M, thank you for the help moving.

To Ian K, thank you for the help moving.

To Robin C, thank you for the help moving.

To Janna Z, thank you for the kitchen pantry.

To Heidi G, thank you for arranging transportation of the kitchen pantry.

To my dad, thank you for helping me move boxes, put beds together, and fix the screen door.

To my mom, there aren’t enough words in existence to properly express my gratitude for the never ending love, support, and help you’ve given us over the last 13 years, the last few months, and the last few weeks.

To my brother, a bottomless well of reassuring words and support.

To the following people:

Amy S, Devon, Monique, Marie, Lindsay K, Autumne, Tara HC, Andrea K, Lisa, Tracy P, Stephanie P, Shelley A, Julia & Scott H, Lily D, Kathy K, Jen M, Melody, Amy V, Chris & Shawnwee P, Stacy S, Marla & Brian D, Chrissie B, Kyle L, Laura H, Wendy G, Amiee K, Megan C, Corrie W, Mandy B, Dayna S, Ashley W, Kim M, Adrienne H, Melissa W, Lori B, Kris M, Allison M.

Thank you for listening to me vent, commiserating with me, grieving with me, reassuring me, giving me great advice, crying with me, laughing with me, telling horribly inappropriate jokes with me, and for offering me prayers of support. 

Please note, not everybody in that list was offering prayers.  Don’t want to offend my atheist friends, haha!

And to so many other people, thank you for the supportive messages and offers to help sent through email, text, and messenger.  There are too many names to list here, but I copied and pasted each one into a word document in order to preserve the love and kindness that surrounded me.  There were over 100 personal messages and comments and each one was appreciated.

If I’ve forgotten anyone, please remind me.

Even though I was at my lowest a few short weeks ago, I feel high now.  I’m high on love, support, joy, positivity, and so much silliness! 

I have moments of quiet reflection, where I still can’t believe this is all happening because it seems so unreal and the element of shock is still present sometimes.  

But it is real and so very obvious to me that the good is wrestling its way to the top, spitting in the face of the bad.  The good is triumphing and the bad is shrivelling.

I have no doubt that the kindnesses will continue because I have amazing people in my life.

You’re all so, so amazing.

Talk to me

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