Saying Goodbye To Old Dreams

27 Jun

When I got married ten years ago, I truly wanted to spend my life with Jason.  

During the years we’ve been married, I always had dreams for the future.  I had things I wanted to accomplish by myself, but my dreams always included Jason by my side.  I always assumed he felt the same way and I’d like to think that he too believed we’d always be together.  

At some point in the last year, Jason’s dreams for the future stopped including me.  And now that he’s pulled the plug on our marriage, I need to say goodbye to many of my old hopes and dreams and welcome in the new.

For instance, Jason and I never really had a honeymoon.  I hoped one day we’d be able to afford to go on a special trip and we could call it a really belated honeymoon.  After we decided to sell our house, I decided that we would use a bit of the profit to take a trip to BC. We’ve both never been and that’s where we originally wanted to ten years ago.

That dream is over but I’ve decided that I still want to go to BC and next summer I’m going.  

Out with the old dream, in with the new.

Maybe Jason did me a favour by ending our marriage.  I would never have ended it; I would have kept trying.  We were going to take steps to alleviate stress; the wheels were in motion.  I believed we were great together and if we could lessen the stress and make changes, things could be great again.  If we could ride the storms of stress and young children and financial strain together, we could come out the other side even stronger than before.  

But he pulled the plug and killed my dreams.  However, maybe he gave me the gift of new dreams. Maybe what’s coming has the potential to make me happier than I ever thought possible.  

I can sleep easily at night knowing that I tried my hardest and I never gave up.  I can tell my children with honesty and conviction that I fought my hardest to keep our family together.  I have a clean conscience.  

A year from now, I hope I can look around and feel thankful to Jason for gifting me with a clean slate: something I never wanted but embraced anyway.

One Response to “Saying Goodbye To Old Dreams”

  1. Chrissie June 27, 2016 at 11:20 pm #

    Your focus, drive and optimism during such an emotional and stressful time for you is an amazing inspiration for everyone!! It is good to embrace each emotion fully as you go through it whether it be shock, confusion, loss, rage, acceptance etc. I think it allows you to move on in a more healthy way than trying to pretend everything is ok and hiding it inside. I know you will allow yourself to feel whatever emotion you are going through and that you have many friends you can count on to be there for you if you ever need them so please don’t hesitate to use us. Take care of yourself:)

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